Long time, no update

Yes, I'm aware it's been entirely too long since I've updated.  In all honesty, you've really been spared.  Over the last couple of weeks while I've been M.I.A. I've only been stressing about raising money.  I came so close to postponing the trip until next year because money just wasn't coming in.  However, I've had several people given very generously and it looks like the trip is back in the running and just might happen.  Seeing people from different areas of my life step up and say they want to help has been really exciting to watch.  Everyone has given what they could and every bit has gotten me closer and closer to the final goal.  It's not 100% yet considering not all of the funds are in, but I'm getting closer.

Like I mentioned earlier, I'm still lacking finances, but I'm going to have to make a FINAL decision regarding the trip in the next day or two.  I've told my boss from my summer job that I'd let her know by May 1st (tomorrow. eep!) if I'll be back or not.  If I end up staying here this summer, I'll need that job.  Yes, I'm dying to go on the bike tour, but I'm also accepting the fact that it just might not be the right path this summer.

Here are my thoughts regarding the possibility that the trip might not happen:
If I go this summer I'll be giving up my summer job that will be my money to last me throughout the school year.  Also, I have a fear that my joints aren't completely ready for the trip.  Towards the beginning of training I didn't have ANY problems with my knees/hips, but for some reason, lately they've been acting up.  Not badly, but it's planted a seed of worry in my head that maybe my body won't be able to handle the trip this summer.  I know that God will prepare me for whatever I face this summer, so if He sees fit that I should go this summer, I'm trusting that I'll be ready.  I know these fears and worries are petty and small considering God has my entire life already planned out, but I'm not the best at trusting.  This trip continues to test my faith.  Clearly I'm a slow learner….

Now, here are my thoughts on getting to go this summer:
I would be spending 8 weeks with 16 awesome teammates biking 6 days a week to raise money and awareness for the oppressed in Burma and Thailand.  I want so badly to do something for others this summer instead of just myself and how many opportunities will I get to bike across the country?  I've really enjoyed raising awareness for the cause throughout the fundraising process, and to be surrounded by others who are passionate about human rights, freedom, racial equality, all while spreading the word of God for 8 weeks straight would be an amazing experience.

Final thoughts:
What will happen will happen.  Although I have to have my final decision made in a couple of days, I am still confused as to what that "decision" will be.  I'm trusting the answer will become clearer.  Right now I'm praying for guidance while in the process of deciding, and peace for whatever decision I am being directed towards.  I feel like I keep waiting on this "AH HA!" moment where suddenly the answer becomes clear, but so far that hasn't happened.  Some moments I think: "I'm 100% totally going on this tour!"  Then a little while later fear grips me and I think: "My joints might not make it.  What happens if I start to cross the first range of mountains and my joints just get too bad to ride any longer.  I would have to return home, upsetting myself but also those who have supported me prayerfully and financially."  I'm trying to not let fear make the decision for me, but discerning between fear and common sense not to push my joints and funds further than I should.

If in the end I don't get to go this year, I'm going to be returning personal checks to those who have donated, and the money I've earned from the yard sale and other random bits of money from anonymous sources that I am unable to return will be set aside until next summer when I will reapply for the tour and hopefully be able to participate then.  Those of you who have been so gracious and donated/supported me and those in Southeast Asia throughout this entire process, I want to apologize I haven't sent out your thank you notes.  I have thought of them many times and some of them are even written.  I decided I would hold of sending them until I know for sure if I'm going, that way I can send your checks back to you.  So, please don't think I'm being rude!  :)  I am TRULY appreciative!

On a different note, the encouragement from my leaders has been wonderful!  They've been there to give me scripture and words of encouragement along the way.  I'm extremely thankful for them!  The entire team is a great group of Christian students/young adults, and I know God has wonderful plans in store for all of us!

Thank you for hanging in there and reading this entire post.  As I conclude this post I ask for your prayers in these specific areas:
- That I trust God in whatever He decides is the correct path for my summer
- That I accept wholeheartedly whatever HE wants for me…. not what I want (a.k.a. to go on tour)
- For discernment and guidance

I hope to have a post up in just a couple of days to inform you of the final decision.  Thanks again for caring to read and keep up with this entire process. :)

Blessings,
Sara